Sunday, 29 December 2013

AFTER THE TURKEY? IT HAS TO BE BEEF!


 
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I can't say I'm sorry that it's over. To be honest, Christmas is one of the low points of my year. I'm a bit of a Scrooge, though not so nasty, and feel thankful when it's done.
This year passed fairly uneventfully with the in-laws, in rural Dorset of all places (look it up in the map if you're not British and interested - it's very pretty when not submerged by flood water). The village where my partner has his roots is a three hour train journey from Brighton with a couple of changes on route - or at least that was the result going there. Sadly it took eight hours to get back thanks to the storms that hit the country over the festive season leaving havoc on the lines... but at least I got back the same day, which is more than can be said for many a poor sod. Gatwick airport was a very popular Christmas destination this year apparently where thousands were stranded due to the weather with few facilities available such as food and functioning toilets. What a great advert for Britain... we should all be proud!
Anyway, it's over and Brighton's in Brighton again, doing a blog which is some sort of writing and about to go for a walk because oddly enough the sun is shining (bollocks freezing as well, but who cares) and there are the makings of story lines running through my mind - some familiar, and one possible new adventure with Polar in the title - quite topical given the current climate. I'm going to mull it over and then see what I'll write.
Oh yes, Christmas is over and I'm done with turkey... Time to indulge in some prime cuts of BEEF!

Hope you all had a good one.

Jack

Saturday, 14 December 2013

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BEARDS

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I had an interesting night out... and it was one that made me think I'm a little out of touch...
The production I went to see was amusing. 'Oedipus in Boots' it was called. A rather whimsical take on the classic Oedipus tale where the tragic 'mothafucka' son is a cat. 'Puss in Boots' - get it! I thought it was funny - my partner thought it was amateurish crap. You can't please them all I suppose, which is something I've learned lately.
Anyway, as we were out and about, a visit to an old haunt seemed like a good idea. 'Doctor Brighton' is a bar just off the seafront and it used to be my favourite when I lived in Brighton before. With kicking music, a hunky bar manager who flashed plenty of flesh, and a real energy to the place - it was the perfect spot to meet up with friends and make some new ones before hitting the clubs. It even gets a mention in 'Burning Fire', such was my affinity. Sadly it has changed dramatically - all a bit tame was the impression I got, with disappointing bar staff and clientele that could hardly be described as hard core.. But that's fine - it's only right that things change.
One other change I noted was the number of beards on display - only on the men I'm glad to say. Now I have no objections to a bit of facial stubble - it looks good on the right type of man - the gentleman above being a fine example. But seeing so many beards in what is still arguably a gay bar - to be honest I found it a bit creepy. It reminded me of days thankfully long passed when moustaches and leather jackets were heavily in vogue - the uniform of 'clones'.
So is this the new clone look? Has someone decided that to be manly you now need to have a beard. I hope and pray not! The odd beard here and there is great - a bit of variety, and suggestively butch. But when everyone is sporting one, for me at least the attraction disappears. Everyone starts to look the same - clones revisited. Dear oh dear!

Jack

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

MANIA


 
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Having played around with some old short stories I have in reserve, thinking that perhaps I could polish them and make a collection with Mania as the main story, I decided against and am re-releasing the book in it's original state.
There's a new cover of course, which I think captures the manic state better that the old one, although the guy is nowhere near as pretty on this version. But trust me - there is nothing pretty about manic depression!
I have set the price at what I think is a reasonable $1.49. Unfortunately, as this falls below Amazon's rather bizarre minimum of $2.99 for non-US publishers, it means I have to go onto a different arrangement with them for this book and get only a pittance in royalty. But setting the price any higher seems wrong, so what the hell. The objective is not to make big bucks out of the book, just to have it out there, because I feel it deserves to be.
It also means I can now draw a line under 2013 with all the boxes ticked. Christmas is only two weeks away and it is time to turn my mind to happier things than mania...

Jack

Saturday, 7 December 2013

FISTING


 
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The taking stock process continues... and my mind is turning to fisting!
And why is that then?
Well, here's the lowdown...
With feedback now coming in regarding 'The Alpha Sparky' there is a wide difference of opinions, some being very positive, others less than enthusiastic. I still stand by the work and personally think it is one of my best, but if some readers don't agree I have to take note. And as a full time author who needs to eat, I have to take note of the sales figures.
And what sells well for me?
Here's a few notes...
My best seller almost from the outset is 'In The Dark'. It was one of my first books, so has been out there for some time which is a big advantage. But it keeps selling, success breeding success I suppose, and it's quite a good story with lots of eroticism and mind games. I think the book cover is the main factor behind its popularity however, so it's dangerous to use the content as a standard for writing that will sell well. Whatever, it was a one off, and is getting closed in on by more recent books.
Hot on it's tracks and for six months on the trot easily my best selling book on a monthly basis is 'B for Bondage'. A Tom Farrell book! So he can sell as well. Again a simple story, and not very original - guy offers sex to tutor to earn a better grade. It has some good twists however, and a great character in Ally the rather gormless student. I think it deserves to be up there at the top.
It won't make the number one slot though. Just as it was about to catch 'In The Dark', another, older book, has overtook it and will soon be installed as my best all time seller. No prizes for guessing... it's 'Fisted!'
Now why is that? Perhaps because this is the first of 'The Wild Side' spin off tales and as such has time on its side, added to the fact it forms part of a series which I have found makes for better sales. But when I look at monthly figures, this still outsells most of the other established Wild Side books, 'The Wild Side of Paddy McGuire' being the exception - it will eventually reach the top, and quite rightly so. But putting that epic tale aside (although writing Angus's even more epic story 'Master of The Wild Side' is still on the cards), I can only conclude that the subject matter is the reason for the success.
People out there get turned on by fisting! It certainly seems to appeal more than the Alpha/fag thing. So if I want to whore myself commercially then I should do some more fisting, get totally debase and up to the elbows in shit, instead of faffing around with cerebral shit. That's the message I'm getting - and I value these messages, I truly do. I'd be a piss poor author and idiot to ignore them.
Food for thought whilst taking stock... and perhaps a theme for tonight's fun and games!

As an aside, the fist on the book cover belongs to Eric Rhodes - a big name in porn for several years, and from what I understand, a very disturbed young man. He killed himself a year or so ago. I was saddened to read recently that another big name, Arpad Miklos, did likewise. It's a tough business... and every blow that we take with a fist or a word will have an effect, even if it doesn't outwardly show until enough becomes enough. May they both rest in peace.

Jack

Friday, 6 December 2013

TIME TO GET ORGANISED - TIME FOR MANIA

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I was experiencing formatting problems writing my previous blog - it all made sense shortly afterwards. It wasn't the website that was playing up, it was the darn laptop - it crashed a few hours later. This was not the first time sadly - there have been a few instances over the past month or so. But having restored it and got a day's use out of the thing, it threw a wobbly again yesterday evening. Another restore has allowed me to blog this morning but I fear there isn't much life left. A Christmas present to myself is in order!
So it is time to get organised, make sure all the backups are fine, etc, etc. They usually are, but with all this crashing and restoring, things may have got messy, so I need to be sure all is in order. It seems a good time to do this, with the year coming to an end, me taking stock, having spend a large part of 2013 sorting out my work.
Getting organised was the theme for this year. I decided when I was in India during February that there was too much mess around - books which were available that I had written years ago when my skills hadn't been properly developed. I'm still developing and strive to do better - I'm sure all of my books could be improved upon. But some of the older stuff was really poor and either needed to be removed from circulation or revisited to improve. I've pretty much done that across the board and am pleased with the results: re-edited books where the writing was embarrassing; given a new look and feel to the covers; removed some titles that were beyond redemption. All has been dealt with one way or another and a line can be drawn with satisfaction. But there is one glaring exception... Mania.
Mania doesn't need to be edited as such. I read it again a few days ago and was perfectly happy with the work. It's just too short at 7500 words! I made it free because of this but withdrew it as Mania isn't representative of the bulk of my work, so it might have been misleading... I withdrew it, but I haven't forsaken it. Mania is still there - the last book to be dealt with, and the last for good reason. It touches on a period of my life which was painful and destructive - a living nightmare. Writing it in the first place was difficult enough, and revisiting is not really something I want to do. I only touch on the subject matter, and do so light-heartedly - there's no way I could go into the murky depths again and deal with the topic of bipolar disorder properly. It's not my genre anyway. Yet it is written, and I think it is quite good... and one way or another I need to deal with it - to draw a line under the year and be able to move forward.
I know I could put it into a compilation, but I think it deserves better, and it would stand out as an odd piece because there will be no more similar works. Mania has to be on its own.
Perhaps I should just re-release with a clear note about the size in the blurb. One of my earliest books, 'The Pilot's Surrender', was originally the same size before I rewrote and extended it this year as part of 'The Beauville Trilogy'. But despite the low word count, it proved to be very popular - so perhaps it is quality, not size that matters, and I won't get slated for short-changing the public.
Anyway, enough rambling. I'll get organised today and as I do so, my mind will tick over in the background thinking about Mania. It will be faced and it will be dealt with... and then a line will be drawn.

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Keep Calm, Take Stock... then Come Roaring Back

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Apologies - it's been a busy week with not much time to blog.
We have now relocated to Brighton, which has gone fairly well other than the cat being very stressed, and at one point feared lost - it's amazing the places the little sods can find to hide - and the current issue of the boiler not working, which means no central heating or hot water, isn't much fun given the chilly temperature outside.
I also seem to have formatting issues with this blog and have no idea why - oh well, I'm sure it will all get sorted out.
On the positive side, we have started to embrace a bit of culture now here. Last night we took in Ibsen's 'Ghosts' - very high brow stuff, and good for the most part, then a sensational ending which had the serious wow factor. I thought the structure was brilliant: the first 'half' lasted 80 minutes, then a fifteen minute interval, followed by a very dramatic second half which could only have been fifteen/twenty minutes. Odd break up, but the impact of that second part was huge! Must think about that, and how I can use in a similar way. All in all very enjoyable, and it should counteract my next visit to Brighton's Theatre Royal where I look forward to 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert'. From high culture to high camp - you gotta love this place and it's diversity.
Anyway, all this activity has meant I haven't been too upset by the apparent failure of 'The Alpha Sparky'. A few early sales, but very disappointing. Do people want a production line from me - the same old stuff with minor variations? If it doesn't have Angus and Paddy then forget it! I did actually plan on doing another Wild Side book early next year, but now will have to seriously think about this. I'm not going to be stereotyped. Perhaps it was a mistake to release it under Jack Brighton, but I decided to be brave and appear to be paying the price.
I shall take a break from it all. There is certainly no inclination now to write another book, not with rejection so bitter in my typing fingers. I'll take a break, which is well overdue, take stock... and then one way or another come roaring back. But with infinitely more sales interest in my other line of work and some seriously good reviews being posted about those books, versus the kick in the balls that is happening with The Alpha Sparky, I have to ask the question, do I come back as....

Jack? 

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

IT HAS TO BE...JACK


 
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It has been a lengthy, and at times tempestuous, process - but 'two fags for Gus... The Alpha Sparky' is now complete and ready for publication.
Rarely have I found a book as difficult to write, as challenging, or as enjoyable. It is such a deviation from my normal stuff and arguably not BDSM, although I'm labelling it as such as there is clear dominance in the story. It is written in the first person, and was originally intended to be a short story for inclusion in a new Tom Farrell collection. I started out with the Tom Farrell mind set, or at least tried to get there. There were so many reasons why I was going to release it under that name.
But no!
It has to be... Jack!
If I'm honest, one of the reasons to go with Tom was fear of rejection. I can handle a Tom Farrell flop and negative reviews, but take it more personally when it's Jack's name attached. But hey! I'm a big boy and can take a few knocks, so better to be brave that a coward. For me, the Tom Farrell stuff that I wrote over a couple of years ago was sort of experimental, and The Alpha Sparky is as well, but it's too important a piece to not put Jack's name to it. And being a tad arrogant... it's too good not to have Jack Brighton's name on it.
I have to say that I'm very happy with the completed book, but nervous as well. It's the public, not me, that defines success. But the reaction from my proof reader was so positive, saying that it's easily the most interesting and engaging book I've ever written, gives me some confidence that it will be well received by at least some other people... Not all though! As I say - it's not a typical Jack Brighton book. There are no whips or other instruments of torture, no masters and slaves, no bondage or sado-masochism. There are however some controversial views - not ones that I necessarily agree with - but that is neither here nor there. I'm sure some people will slate it, but I hope some others will thoroughly enjoy it, and that's what matters. I write for a niche market, and want to excel within it, not be mediocre to the masses, so taking risks is all part of that deal.
Anyway, it's ready, published and out to face the acid test - two fags for Gus... The Alpha Sparky, by...

Jack

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

SKIRK



 
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Skirk (that's the Norwegian name), or as we know it better in English as... The Scream - an icon of Modern Art, a Mona Lisa of our time (or so says Arthur Lubow according to Wikipedia).
Might not be to everyone's taste, but I'm a huge fan of Edvard Munch's work. Not a painting - The Scream is actually a composition of four individual paintings, with the proper title 'The Scream of Nature'.
I think of it as an old friend, and it embodies another old friend I encountered again yesterday - anxiety. Being a writer, I tried to put it into words when it struck me. Being a Biologist (or I was for a time having gained a degree in the subject) I tried to analyse it from a biochemical point of view. But being a great artist, Munch does it so much better... a picture tells a thousand words, and The Scream screams of an anxiety attack to me.
I didn't have an attack, but just felt very anxious for many hours. Silly really - all we were doing was taking the cat to the airport to get weighed for his cargo trip on Friday. He was actually very good, didn't make too much of a fuss on his first journey of more than five minutes in the car. But I felt anxious throughout, and it's been a while since I felt like that. Usually my most anxious moments nowadays are when my laptop gets sick, like it did first thing this morning, pop ups appearing everywhere making it impossible to do anything on the internet. But a quick restore sorts that out, so hardly a big deal. Real anxiety is working in the City of London, company directors on your back 24/7 demanding more and more profits, setting unrealistic targets that somehow you manage to meet. It's standing in front of a group of high-flying bankers, trying to convince them to invest in whatever, knowing that if you do it will earn you a fifty grand, and more importantly the respect of your peers. It's travelling on the Northern Line at eight in the morning, crushed by bodies that aren't at all attractive, having spend the previous hour commuting from Brighton. Anxiety - I remember it, and I don't miss it. Although I know it will be back come Friday for the cat's flight to London.
He'll be fine.
It's me who will be anxious until I get him home.
Sounds like a parent who's son has gone to battle... or even just gone to school.

Jack 

Monday, 25 November 2013

A SPARKY FOR CHRISTMAS?


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That's my Sparky there - the original muse, although I have him a bit beefier in the book. With an odd week ahead and lots to do getting ready for my return to Brighton, I'll find some time to try him out on the book cover. I like the current one though, so may still opt for that. I'll create another and compare - it's always fun playing around with a man like that!
A bigger decision is when to release the book. Obviously with my last release - 'Christmas at The Wild Side' I wanted the book out well in time for Christmas, but with this one I need to think carefully about whether to wait until early next year. My concern is that by the time it is actually ready, it will be getting too close to Christmas itself. 
But is that wrong?
I'm assuming that effort to promote the book around Christmas would be wasted - that there is too much else going on and that the book will fall by the wayside. But maybe not. One of the smaller retailers I deal with told me that Christmas is a slow period for them and things pick up after New Year, so that would suggest it is better to wait. Not easy for me to do that though. I have invested so much effort lately into 'The Alpha Sparky', and it is an unusual piece for me, I want to see the reaction. But I know I have to wait at least a week, so why not a month?
 Will think about it, and do some research. Suggestions always welcome.... about timing, about the sparky cover, about any darn thing.

Jack

Saturday, 23 November 2013

FOCUS


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It's not that I've been lazy over the past couple of days by not posting a blog - I just needed to keep focus and get my book finished. Blogging can be taxing, especially if nothing springs immediately to mind, and it can eat into the productive writing time for me. Fine when the work isn't too taxing, but I was struggling to end the book and needed every little grey cell focused on that.
But it's done!
I'll go over the last half again today, give it a final read through, but I'm pretty happy with it as it stands.
So now the final touches need to be applied - proof reading, and putting the blurb together.
I'm still not certain about the title: 'two fags for Gus... The Alpha Sparky' Personally I really like it, but it might not sell itself, so it may get cut to a simpler: 'The Alpha Sparky'
The book cover needs to be looked at as well. There has been positive feedback on the existing version so I might run with it. Problem is that the guy on the cover is not my muse for Gus. Some playing around over the next few days is needed.
Anyway, I have achieved the objective of getting this sorted before returning to the UK next week, so can relax a little, and blog some more.

Jack 

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

A SPLASH OF COLOUR


 
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I've been feeling a bit jaded of late. The Alpha Sparky is proving to be a lot more taxing than I had ever expected. After making a lot of progress over the weekend, by Monday morning I was mentally exhausted. With so much focus on that book at present, life was getting monochrome, so a splash of colour is needed.
I'll get plenty of that when I go to Brighton in ten days time, but yesterday I needed some time off... No Alpha Sparky, no blogs, no Jack.
It was great. I feel my head has cleared and I'm looking forward to getting back to my Sparky.
A little splash of colour every now and then brightens up even the most jaded of Brighton's.

Jack

Sunday, 17 November 2013

LESS SEX PLEASE - THEY'RE BRITISH AFTER ALL


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Enough of the sex!
That's what I decided. A very radical approach to a Jack Brighton/Tom Farrell book, but sorry, I've made up my mind.
Fortunately there is already plenty of sex in it, the decision was to NOT have another scene. To be honest, it was dragging on a bit, and the reality is, even with sex, sometimes you have to say enough is enough.
I think that's the case though with erotica. Just having the sex scene for the sake of a good romp is great, but if you want something deeper, more meaningful, and all that sort of stuff, then you need characterisation, and in this book that happens when the lads are having a pint after work, not when they are servicing The Alpha Sparky. So I'm drawing a line under the sex. The book has enough, it just needs polishing now... serious polishing as the final three chapters are only drafts, but it's pretty much all there.
Off to write it now.

Jack

PS - sorry for posting yesterday. I had a hangover, and quite frankly couldn't be arsed.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

TOO MANY DISTRACTIONS


 
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Cute isn't he!
Well I think so. His name is Chad Wick apparently. What he's doing in a pool with clothes partly on I have no idea, but it makes for an interesting image, and I certainly wouldn't mind if he was in my pool at the moment with that 'Come Fuck Me' expression on his face.
Not a good idea though. For one thing there is a thunder storm going on, and it's pretty cold - the pool is a mess and the water is very chilly. Poor Chad would freeze to death. It would also be another huge distraction and I've got enough of those at the moment. I'm getting excited about returning to Brighton and plans have to be made. The cat hates the weather and is constantly bugging me, practically sitting on the keyboard so he can get some attention. Yesterday we had workmen here, sorting out solar stuff for the roof. They made a huge racket, and one of them was rather hunky, so another bloody distraction. With a clear date in mind, travelling in two weeks time, I need to finish The Alpha Sparky before I go, because Brighton will be a massive distraction and Christmas is round the corner. So enough distractions, it's time to knuckle down. Be gone Chad Wick and your sexy chest. And bugger off Danny (that's the cat). I need to work! The book is getting longer and longer, and I still have a lot more to write. But given the weather... Wow, that lightening flash was close! ...Given the weather, there's not much else to do.... As long as there are no more distractions like gorgeous men in my pool.

Jack

BRIGHTON

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It looks a bit like the Taj Mahal!
And with that nice blue sky there in the background and the sunshine making a mirror of the pond, you might think this was India if you didn't know better.
But it's not.
That is the Brighton Pavilion, built as a pleasure palace by the Prince Regent at the end of the 18th Century. He was a bit of a naughty boy, so it's no surprise he took to Brighton and made it a playground for his friends and his mistresses. The pavilion sits there right in the heart of Brighton, loud and proud like so much else around. It's so out of place and so perfectly right for what I consider as my home town, and where I will be going back to in just over a fortnight.
Brighton!
With its pier and its beach and miles of prom. The place is totally unique. It's 'London by the Sea' but not London thank God - although the capital is only an hour's train ride away. But why bother when there's so much on offer in Brighton? It has a vibrant Arts scene, countless bars and restaurants from all over the world. That's The North Laines pictured there, which is a very trendy spot now. The city is proudly cosmopolitan, embracing a diversity of cultures. And of course it has a big gay population - probably the highest percentage of any city in Britain.
See look! Even the coppers march proudly in Brighton when we have our annual parade!
It's a wonderful city, and you might ask the question... Why have I been away for so long?
Well there is an answer to that one, but you'll have to catch me in a very revealing mood to go anywhere near it. Lets just say I had my reasons.
I wasn't Jack Brighton when I lived there before. I was a different person - a high flier in the Finance sector commuting every day to London. Now I'm going back as...

Jack  

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

MAKING A BRIDGE

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Is Tower Bridge the most famous bridge in the world? I suppose being British I'm biased, but I can't think of a more iconic one, so it'll do for me.
Today I need to consider a bridge and hopefully make the darn thing. I have my ending to 'The Alpha Sparky' clear in my head, and yesterday I revamped the main body of the story - a very long day at the keyboard, but I think I've cracked it. But now I need to link the two, which I think of as a bridge chapter. I drafted it yesterday evening, but it needs a lot of polishing. I find these sort of chapters challenging as for me they have to work. I can't just turn up at the end of the book and have my big scene if I haven't laid the right foundations. That has been done in the revamp, but as we near the end of a story like this, the pace has to pick up, so no going on and on and on. The bridge has to be sharp and take you to the other side quickly, so it has to be written well. I'm sure it won't be as spectacular as Tower Bridge, but hopefully it will do its job and not be a blot on the Sparky landscape.

Jack

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

KEEP CALM

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It's a weird feeling. You get near the end of a story, there are over 20,000 words and most are pretty good, then it's time for the big finale... and it just won't come. A walk to clear the head sometimes helps. And it does in this case - I realise that the structure is wrong and that I have to go back and revamp the whole lot.
Bugger!
Annoyance is the first thing.
Then comes denial. No! It's fine! A few tweaks here and there will sort it out. Just write the sex scene - you can do those in your sleep - and don't worry if it doesn't totally gel.
Then there is acceptance and an odd sense of relief because you know that in the long run this is the right thing to do.
A stiff drink before dinner and calmness comes. As does the new structure. I sit in the kitchen and watch the food get prepared (lucky old me to have someone who can cook!) and I scribble it all down in a note pad.
There it's finished!
Or at least the new structure is complete with my characters clearly defined on paper and in my head. Now all I have to do is type the thing out. Thank goodness we live in an age that has the wonders of Word Processing, otherwise this could have been a real pain in the butt.
It means the book will be out later than planned, but don't worry.
Keep calm, and say 'Thank You, Jack!'
Thank you for making the effort to turn it around, and not churn out a load of old tosh!
My pleasure...

Jack

Monday, 11 November 2013

THE ALLURE OF YOUTH

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I didn't realise until yesterday when the topic cropped up, but I obviously have a thing for young men!
Okay, so I'm probably not alone. But oddly enough it's not the obvious thing... I'm much more attracted to the more mature butch types - Paddy McGuire being my idea of the perfect man, not his cute toy Dylan Sinclair. But I do write about young men quite a lot, and was shocked when I did a quick run through the Tom Farrell books, that almost all are written from the perspective of the young lad in the story. The only exception being 'Beware Macduff' which is seen through the eyes of a revenging father.
Of course I'm at it again with 'The Sparky Alpha'. I'm writing it in the first person, and the narrator is an eighteen year old lad. And it's not just a feature of Tom Farrell - it's pretty much the same with Fergie Boy books - most are narrated by a teenager. It is only when I write as Jack Brighton that I grow up a bit and see life through more mature eyes.
So do I need to see a shrink? Am I trying to relive my youth and be a teenager again. Is that what it's all about? Or do I think that's what the public want - to relive their youth - and I feed it to them.
It's one to think about.
Doing a blog can be scary at times - you drag up all sorts of stuff that might be best left in a box. Oh well. Not to worry. There must be worse things in life than wanting to be eighteen again, if that's what's going on.

Jack

Saturday, 9 November 2013

A DIFFERENT VIEW OF AN ALPHA


 
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I'm having a minor crisis with my current book - 'two fags for Gus... The Alpha Sparky'. As you can guess from the title, it involves three characters - two fags and an Alpha Male. My difficulty is with the current structure. The Alpha is seen through the eyes of the fags, but we don't actually get to know him. We learn of the 'type' the Alpha Male via conversations and internet blogs, which is backed up by actions during sex - but this is the stereotype - I give nothing of his true personality. Perhaps that is best, because the Alpha characteristics are not particularly endearing - if I try to give him more depth then I might spoil the image by making him more human, more likeable.
At one point yesterday I was considering a complete revamp. I thought that the book could be extended into a trilogy, each of the three parts told from a different perspective - the final one being from the Alpha's point of view. It would be challenging, and perhaps very messy. And I think it would be wrong.
I have this tendency to make my characters likeable - or at least to excuse them for their bad actions, like Sparky Gus cheating on his wife. I did this recently in 'Christmas at The Wild Side' - I had to justify Paddy's action. I couldn't allow him to do what he does for pure gratification at the cost to some innocent party. But Paddy has depth and it would have been inconsistent to make him act otherwise - Alpha Sparky has little depth at present and I can do what I like with him.
But what to do?
I need to take a step back and think very carefully about which direction to go in now. Do I keep my Alpha Sparky as a shallow, selfish bastard... or do I break the Alpha stereotype, and in doing so make him less of an 'Alpha' but more of a human being?
Or should I take the view: 'It's a porn book, for goodness sake, stop worrying about personality and get to some rough sex!'
 Sorry - I can't do that last one. It might be porn, but it's still my work, and I wouldn't put my name to it if it lacked proper characterisation.

Jack

Friday, 8 November 2013

FAG TALK

 
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I was doing a little more research yesterday, flicking through a Tumblr blog to get more insight into the Alpha Male mentality. To be honest I found it pretty tough reading, the views on the blog being way too extreme for my liking, and I despair if this is what people actually think represents an Alpha Male - supposedly the best that humanity has to offer in that sex.
But there was one posting that made me laugh. This one here. It's like that Eureka moment when realisation hits. As I say... real funny.

In case anyone was wondering, my Alpha Sparky will be a couple of evolutionary steps ahead of these fictional dumb wits... Sorry if that's going to disappoint.

Jack

THE BACK IS BACK


http://jackbrighton.weebly.com/
 
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I had cause this morning to remember my back, and very pleasant it was as well. But why have I neglected it for so long, or more precisely - allowed it to be neglected. Just because it's back there and out of my sight doesn't mean I should forget about it.
It's easy to happen though. And I'm guilty of this neglect in both my private and writing life. The back features plenty of times in my books, but it is usually getting whipped, not worshiped. I always focus on other body parts for that. Perhaps it's because it has no obvious focal point. The rest of the body has things to zoom in on, and I'm sure I don't need to make a list of the erogenous parts of male anatomy to illustrate the point. The poor back is a blank canvas with no such obvious highlights, although that in itself makes it a thing of beauty. Think of the desert or the artic snow - they have a beauty in their uniformity, and a man's back can be such a pleasing thing to the eye. If time is taken, and it shouldn't be rushed, there can be so much pleasure applied to the back. The kiss of the whip is one aspect, but the lips can be used as well - although admittedly it might not make such good reading. Whatever - life isn't always a book, and it isn't always wham bang, over in a minutes. Worshipping the back can go on and on, hours of fun without risk of a pre-mature ending.
So those who worship and those who command - remember the back.
I certainly intend to!
The back is back.

Jack

Thursday, 7 November 2013

AN UNUSUAL HIERARCHY - WHERE A REAL MAN PUTS HIS SEMEN!


 
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Recognise the little fellas?
Actually they form only a very small component of what this blog is about, but the most important part - the whole point of the stuff.
 In recent research for my latest book, it's not sperm, but the semen it is delivered in, had featured big time. Having a degree in Biology, and some acclaim as a writer of gay erotica, I thought I knew pretty much all there was to know about semen (or spunk as I prefer to call it). But life is full of surprises.
In the Alpha Male blogs I've been flicking through to help me get into the mind set of these men, I have learned of the importance of semen. It is the means by which these 'superior beings' propagate the type, and as such it must be revered - never wasted - it is far too precious. With this in mind, apparently some Alpha Males have a hierarchy of where this precious fluid should be deposited. I'm going to use this in my book, and have naturally paraphrased what I found. Here is an extract from the draft which I personally think is hilarious, followed by my own slant on the list...

And then there was the thing about revering Alpha spunk. Some of the postings were quite comical, quoting hierarchies of where best to put it, or how it should be used. Here’s the order that one Alpha gave...

 1 – In some weak cuckold’s wife, preferably with him watching as you breed her. It is the Alpha Male’s duty to impregnate at will.
2 – In your own wife or girlfriend’s pussy.
3 – In your wife of girlfriend’s mouth.
4 – In your own mouth. That’s right! It should never be wasted and it helps to grow serious muscle.
5 – In food you eat. Again, don’t waste the protein.
6 – On jockstraps or other items for sale or auction.
7 – Then as a last resort, your lowly faggot’s mouth as the ultimate reward for subservience.

LOL!
Thankfully Gus didn’t subscribe to all that crap. From the sound of things, the Alpha
Sparky dumped most of his baby batter into Rory’s ass at the moment – a place
that didn’t even merit a mention in the list. I told you I had to take all this
with a large pinch of salt!

Jack

Wednesday, 6 November 2013

THE ALPHA SPARKY


 

It's a bit busy. Probably too busy for a book cover so it will no doubt get changed, but I wanted to test a few ideas out and this was the one I liked the best. It certainly has sparkle, which is now part of the title.
Do people outside of Britain (or even in Britain) know what a sparky is though? I mention it in early in the book - it's an electrician. That doesn't come across on that book cover, so perhaps people will be confused as to what it's about.
And as for a fag - well that's well known globally. But in Britain it is also a cigarette, and for the first time I am making a principal character a smoker. That doesn't come across either, and probably it shouldn't. I know that in some countries positive images of smoking are banned, so I don't want to risk more censorship over something really daft like that. But what about the other fags - the two young lads who will serve the sparky - where are they? Should I have them there somewhere on the cover, or does it not matter?  The book cover is meant to grab attention not tell the story - read the blurb and the book for that.
You know - the more I look at it, the more I like it. Perhaps it will stay, at least for a short time whilst I write the book, which is about half complete now. I'll put it on the website to advertise the work...Another little job for today.

Jack

Monday, 4 November 2013

PEN NAMES


 
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I was left a little disappointed this morning, and somewhat confused. The first couple of days with ARe have been going really well. It took two days to get all the Jack Brighton titles loaded onto their site, but the effort has been rewarded with quite a few sales - more than I had expected to be honest.
Then yesterday the Tom Farrell collection was added along with about half the Fergie Boy books. And this morning I find there has been no take up whatsoever of books under either pen name.
Strange!
Early days, and I'm sure it will get sorted. It can take time for a 'new author' to be discovered by a new group of potential readers. I do find this though - but not always in Jack's favour - that certain retail sites seem to perform better with one particular pen name.
It has given me cause to wonder about the latest book I'm working on. I have my Tom Farrell hat on, and am using his style - but it is still me who is writing it, so if Jack is the more popular author, should I not put it out under his name.
Oh, the lure of commercialism!
But I must resist. It is an experimental work, and better not to confuse the Jack Brighton brand with something the core readership might not like. I will stick with Tom even if it means less sales.
It would be nice if some came through though!

Jack

Sunday, 3 November 2013

THE IMPORTANCE OF TITLE


 
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Yesterday I was thinking about the title for my new book. Currently it's 'Two Fags for Alpha Gus' which is okay I suppose. It kind of tells you what the book is about. But I don't think it's catchy enough or represents what it's about as well as I would like.
For one thing there is capitalisation where perhaps it should be left out. I notice this when I am reading other people's work, that there is a convention that has capitalisation for the Dom and lower case for the sub, as I have just demonstrated in this sentence. I have never adhered to this in the past. If I write a simple "Yes, sir!" then I use lower case. Does that annoy people I wonder, who expect the dom to be Dom?
Answers in a comment please - I'm interested.
Anyway, I have used capitals in the new book when the Dom is being addressed, but in this piece I think it appropriate. So taking it to the book title I think it should therefore be 'two fags for...' at the beginning and capitals thereafter.
But what about Gus? That's the name of the character and I'm keeping it, but in the book he has a cyber name which is 'Alpha Jock' (yeah I know, another Scotsman - bit it's a kind of trademark, and I do identify, so I have no intention of breaking the mould). I think Alpha Jock sounds better, and to emphasise his superiority right from the outset, I reckon the book title should be, and presented as such:
two fags for...
THE ALPHA JOCK
Or does that sound like I'm taking the piss?

Jack

A MAN OF MANY TALENTS


 
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Don't you just love Ben Cohen!
He's a man of many talents. Even if you are not British and know about Ben, you can see one of them straight away - he looks stunning.
I'm a big fan. Not only does he look gorgeous, he plays a mean game of rugby, capped 57 times for England and part of their Wold Cup winning side. (Yes I did support them and was delighted they won - it's a myth that all Scots are Anglophobes)
Anyway, apart from his physical and sporting prowess, Ben is currently demonstrating to the nation that he can dance - the brightest star of Strictly by far, even if some of the women are technically better. And of course he is an established gay icon - married with kids but very supportive, happy to appear shirtless on the cover of gay magazines. He even donated a signed jockstrap which was sold at auction, the proceeds going to a gay health awareness foundation. On top of that there is The Ben Cohen Stand Up Foundation which targets the horror of bullying. As I say, a man of many talents, partially deaf as well I understand, so not someone who lets his disability get in the way of achieving admirable goals. An all round great bloke and superb role model.
And what has any of this to do with Jack Brighton, other than me having some self-indulgent hero worship? Well, I'm a man of many talents as well, or need to be in my work life. Being a self publishing author involves a lot more that writing. That was certainly hammered home yesterday when the first books were loaded onto All Romance eBooks! It's a demanding process and will take many days to complete. Fortunately I have all the material needed, but things like book covers need to be reformatted to suit ARe's requirements, so it's not that straight forward. Even more fortunately I have a partner who is happy to help out, so he is doing the brunt of the work. Which means that today I might get to do some writing.
Of course things like that always come at a price, so no doubt I'll have to reward him in some creative way later on. As I say - I'm a man of many talents, and I'm sure I'll rise to the occasion.

Jack

Saturday, 2 November 2013

A NEW OUTLET

 
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I have a new outlet for my work!
All Romance eBooks - or ARe for short.
I have to say I was aware of them for some time but didn't think the Firm Hand Books catalogue would be suitable. But on looking at their site again at the suggestion of a friend, I changed my mind and am delighted to say they have accepted my application.
So a busy day ahead uploading material.
It will be interesting to see how the relationship works out. I hope it's a success and that ARe survive in an aggressive market. Sadly two of my outlets have closed over the past year or so - eErotica last year and now Rainbow Books is winding down. I know others are finding it difficult which is such a shame, but the competition from the big players is tough. ARe have been around for some time though, and romance is such a popular genre, so hopefully they can survive as a specialist niche player, and help me to survive as a niche writer.
Good luck to us both.

Jack 

Friday, 1 November 2013

THE ULTIMATE ALPHA MALE

http://jackbrighton.weebly.com/
 
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I'm having a ball of a time with my new piece of work. Having started out as a short story, it's now well on its way to being a full book on its own. And quite rightly so, as one of the lead characters lays claim to being an Alpha Male, and they shouldn't be relegated to part of a collection. They are superior - or so they say - and deserve a book to themselves.
Now if you have read my earlier blog 'My Sparky' you will have seen the original muse. That's him there, and physically he is what I still have in mind, but his character is changing from what was originally intended - for one thing I've given him a wife! Alpha Males are straight apparently - or so my research would have me believe.
But is that really the case? Can't Alpha Males be totally gay? I think they can. Angus McCloud is an Alpha to me, and he's never even sniffed after a woman. But my sparky Gus doesn't see himself as gay - he just uses fags because they are convenient and can be treated like dirt.
 Actually there is lot more involved in my book. There's a twist to the story, which is narrated by a would be fag. Gus has been subtly manipulated into becoming another character's fantasy of what a real Alpha Male would be. So I obviously have cause to wonder what would my idea of an Alpha Male be.
A quick trawl through my stock of hunky images brought me to Ted Colunga. I think Ted's great. I mean just look at him - all man from head to toe, with the most amazing equipment under those jeans! But can he be an Alpha? Probably not, because if you are familiar at all with Ted's work then you will know that in his porn flicks he doesn't often use that incredible equipment - it's Ted who is usually the passive one. That makes him doubly hot for me, but not an equal in the eyes of an Alpha, because only a fag would take it up the ass! An odd view of the world, but that's Alpha's for you.
So who are these men?
To be honest I don't know. I have a problem with the reality of it - straight guys who fuck men aren't totally straight in my opinion, but in fantasy fiction I can make them what I like. My Sparky Gus works in construction, so that's a good image to start with. Alpha Males have proper jobs don't they - construction workers, police, soldiers, firemen. Oh, and cowboys as well! I don't do cowboys, but I love the image. A cowboy is an excellent platform for being an Alpha Male.
He's cute this one. Fabulous look and very popular on the internet - a much used image. And he might be an Alpha - it's hard to say - but I'd sooner have Ted any day.
Okay, so we have the right job, the right hunky build, the right sexual orientation (totally straight but enjoys screwing fags). What else does he need. Well my research would suggest an unusually high libido, a selfish nature and almost Nazi like view of their superiority over lesser men. That's the stereotype anyway, or what I can gleam. It's an image that a lot of gay guys are attracted to, although I don't include myself in their ranks - not by a long chalk, I can assure you.
For me a real Alpha Male is like Angus McCloud - dominant, but considerate, nurturing the men he cares for, and having someone like Paddy McGuire to love and serve him. But I suppose we all have different views.
So other than my own creation, who is the ultimate Alpha male?
Easy - if we are going to get arrogant about it, then sorry all you cowboys, you just don't measure up. The ultimate Alpha has to be Scottish, or at least in my blog he does! In which case there can be only one winner... Sean Connery of course, playing James Bond. That's the ultimate Alpha for me.

Jack

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Does Size Matter


 
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I found myself asking the question yesterday - Does size matter? And of course I came up with the same answer as always - Of course it bloody does! I mean - what would you say if you ended up short changed. I wouldn't be too happy. I expect a decent length... 20,000 words at least.
What?
Oh, you thought I was blogging about something else - well sorry to disappoint. Read a few of my books and you'll know my views on that trivial matter.
I mean book length. In the ebook world we are less conscious of size. There is no physical book to pick up, have a look at the thickness and decide like Goldilocks - too big, too small, just about right! With my early work I didn't worry too much as I wasn't controlled over pricing as I am now ($2.99 is the minimum I can set for the powerhouse in the business, and they tell you off in not very polite terms if they find the same book priced cheaper elsewhere). That's why there are a couple of books out there which I've rewritten to make longer - 'The Pilot's Surrender' being the main one. The original story was only 7,500 words which I think is way too short to charge $2.99 for. I doubled the length and still think it's a bit short. As I said, 20,000 is the minimum I now aim for.
But is that long enough?
For erotica maybe. The longest piece I've ever written as Jack Brighton is 'The Wild Side of Paddy McGuire'. Personally I think it's my best book, but I'm a bit biased as Paddy is my favourite creation. One reviewer said however that he found it went on too long and lost interest half way through. Sometimes big isn't better - at least for some people it isn't.
Anyway, why all this cropped up was due to my current piece of work. I had intended it to be a short story - one of three that was going to make up a Tom Farrell collection. I had reached 6,500 words and to be honest there is so much more to go. Short stories should be 1,000-7,500 words apparently, so it was going to be way out of that range. Thankfully there is enough scope for it to run well over 20,000 so it will become a book - a novella, which is 20-50,000 words. And that is where almost all of my books fall - it's very rare to go over like I did with Paddy, although some of the older works fall a tad short. Sorry!
It's those buggers in the middle that are the tricky ones: anything between 7,500 and 20,000, which are called novelettes I am now informed. I have a novelette that I wrote some time ago - a very personal piece titled Mania (just for clarity, I do not suffer from Bipolar Disorder). I made it free for a time because charging $2.99 seemed outrageous, but removed it because it wasn't a typical example of my work and it might have been giving out the wrong message. So what do I do? Risk pissing people off by charging too much for a short piece - or pad it out? I think it's right as it is, so it would possibly get spoiled. Tricky!
You see size does matter!
It matters to me!

Jack

Monday, 28 October 2013

The Right Environment

  
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They say a change is as good as a rest, and I felt like a change and all the rest, so I moved out of my 'office' which is a sort of annexe to the house, and I'm sitting in the kitchen doing this blog, with the intension of cracking on with my current book shortly.
I'm going to move back in a minute. It's not working for me. It's just not the right environment. I can hear too many noises, like the fridge that keeps humming. I'm also conscious that it's early, and my partner is in bed upstairs. He sleeps like a log, so I'm hardly going to disturb, yet I'm still hitting the keyboard tentatively to dampen the sound of my typing.
Daft or what!
I need privacy to work effectively and this is too public. I need the right environment, with just me and the cat, so I'm signing off and going back... That was a Dusty Springfield song in case you didn't know. Her best in my opinion... Going Back.
Jack

Sunday, 27 October 2013

My Sparky

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Looking for a little inspiration, I went in search of a muse. The story I'm working on at present involves a sparky (electrician) at a building site, and I needed a hunk in mind before writing his big scene.
I came up with these two. The guy at the top is the more handsome, and has the better body in my opinion, so he'll be the principal muse. But I like the expression of the other guys face - it's the sort of disdain I'm looking for in my man.
He also has the more impressive equipment - and you need great equipment on a building site - at least on the one I'm writing about you do! For decency sake I have cropped both pictures, but if you want to see what I mean then visit me on Tumblr
http://jackbrighton72.tumblr.com/where I'm less inclined to censor.
It's sad but true, again at least for me - when you see them both in a more revealing state it kind of shifts the balance of attraction. The top guy is beautiful, and I'm sure he's great in the sack. Probably he's perfect boyfriend material. But I'd pick the other one for some dirty sex.
Anyway, I'll take the best of both and add my own touches. That will be my sparky, and you can be sure he's going to do one electrifying job when he pops the narrator's cherry.

Jack  

Bloggers Block

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Clocks changed overnight, which came as a surprise, so apparently we have an extra hour this morning. Not that it would do me any good as I appear to have bloggers block!
I have suffered the odd moment of writers block in the past, but usually overcome it pretty quickly - taking a few days away from the computer and going for long walks normally sorts it out. But when you commit yourself to a daily blog then you need a quicker solution.
Normally something comes to me within a minute when I click the 'New Post' button. I do two blogs, and the other one is easy as I'm giving insights into a lengthy book I wrote under a different name, and talk around whatever theme has cropped up next without actually giving the story away. But this one is just my thoughts at the time, and sadly my head is empty. So that's the blog for today - Bloggers Block! Let's hope that it's unblocked by tomorrow. Any suggestions as to what I should blog about would be much appreciated.




Jack





Friday, 25 October 2013

Accepted


Okay, so I know it's too early, but I couldn't resist. Christmas at The Wild Side is now available at:
Smashwords
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/370798
Amazon http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00G6PN4GA

We will see over the next few weeks if all the other retailers accept it.

It was the acceptance thing that made me go early. With the scare stories going around of e-bookshelf cleansing, I was worried that it might trip up which would mean several rewrites in an attempt to get it through. That takes time, and for a seasonal book, time is not limitless.
Anyway, it's out there. And there is only two months to go. For those who pick it up, I hope you enjoy... and you don't need to wait until Christmas to read it!

Jack

Thursday, 24 October 2013

Art For Art's Sake



Christmas at The Wild Side has come back from proof reading without any negative comments, so ready to roll. 'An excellent addition to the series - liked the illustrations - nice touch' was the comment.
 Illustrations!
Yes, I've gone all arty for Christmas, played around with a photo editing package and have an illustration at the beginning of each chapter, of which there are ten in total.
It was fun, and I like the end result. I need to see how they come out on the various e-book formats, but reckon I'll keep them in.
These are some examples of my 'Art for Art's Sake' along with the title of the chapter. They will give you a clue as to what's in the book.

Jack

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Being Tom Farrell - 1

I'm putting a number on the title because I'm sure I'll be adding to this over the coming weeks.
As I blogged yesterday, I'm putting on my Tom Farrell hat as I tackle a few short stories. Pop My Cherry Ass volume 2 is the plan, and to be honest, I blush to say - I'm struggling to rise to the ocassion!
Perhaps it was a mistake to launch into it so soon after completing A Wild Side book, but a story was forming in my head and I wanted to get started. The story is there, but I'm not hearing my voice. I haven't made the leap, and I'm wondering if I should bother.
Listen to me!
Of course I should!
There is the phylosophy that you should stick to what you are best at, and The Wild Side is a very comfortable place for me. I have created that world and its characters and it's easy to write around them. But I'm a restless soul, who needs variety, and I would get bored if I didn't stretch myself and tackle new things. Okay, so a second volume isn't exactly new, but it's a change from the staple diet. And in many ways it's a walk down memory lane as I tend to draw more on personal experience when I'm writing as Tom Farrell.
Not too personal though. The events in the above collection sadly didn't happen to me, but they draw on an element of my past. Cherry Bakewell for example, the first story in the collection, is set in a bread factory/bakery, and I did work in one when I was a student. The scene depicted is what I remember, and the character Tony, a real loud mouthed hunk who is hung like a horse, was inspired by one of the workers I was lucky enough to see in the showers. I describe him as I remember, with perhaps a little flatterThe rest is sadly fantasy, but the foundation is good, which hopefully translates into a good story.
That's what I have to do now - remember back to my youth when I briefly worked on a building site - remember that guy, and yes he existed, who I thought at the time was the horniest man alive. Then it will be easy, because then I'm being Tom... showing a bit more of myself than I tend to do as...

Jack.

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

A Different View

Today I'm going to make a start on a short story which will be attributed to Tom Farrell. That means getting into a different mindset to Jack Brighton, which is fine, although it normally takes a few days for me to really find a different voice - probably longer in this case as I haven't written as Tom for well over a year.
Now don't go thinking I actually hear voices. But I write with a voice, almost hearing myself tell a story to someone. And with Tom, I need to do that all the more so, as the work I produce as him is more personal, drawing on my own experiences, and telling the story from one person's point of view, either by making it in the first person or keeping to one viewpoint if the book is in the thrid person.
It's a different view!
With Jack I now write entirely in the third person. For The Wild Side tales and many other books, it works better that way. I can get into the heads of different characters, move from scene to scene, location to location, get multiple perpectives... and keep a little distant personally.
Tom's different - writing in the first person makes it much more intimate. It's not just what happens and how you see it, but what you're feeling. There are more questions, less certainty, because in the first person you don't know what the other person is thinking, and as an author you can't tell the reader what's in the other person's mind, only make assumptions. It's more like real life. It's a different view.

Jack

Hot... or Cliché?

I had a lie in this morning and stayed in bed till seven. As I had awoken several hours earlier, to pass the time whilst forcing myself to rest, I cast my mind back to my bygone youth when, for a few weeks, I worked on a building site. I suppose quite a few gay men lie in bed in the morning thinking about building sites and the hunky guys that work on them, but I had a reason beyond the obvious.
I’m not ready to start a major new project at present, so I decided to write a few short stories which I will do wearing my Tom Farrell hat, and I thought I’d base the first one on a building site as I do actually know a little about them. And here’s the first myth I’m going to blast out of the water – most of the guys who work on them aren’t gorgeous muscular hunks with rippling six-packs and impossibly well filled jeans. Most are pretty ordinary, some I’d class as slobs, and none that I came across had latent gay tendencies that had to be expressed as soon as they saw my youthful body!
Ooops!
Did I spoil the fantasy? But you knew that anyway. And don’t worry, when I write the story, the guy in question will be a five star hunk with strong gay tendencies that he happily expresses.
But as I lay there and thought up an outline scenario, it occurred to me that it might be a little cliché. It probably is – a bit of The Village People kicking in. And when I consider my back catalogue, there are quite a number of cliché characters about. You just have to look at a few titles to see that I’m at fault:
Burning Fire – Well that would be about Fireman Farrell.
Dirt! – The star of this book is obviously a mechanic.
The Captain’s Deliverance – He’s a German soldier.
The Vorinov Trilogy – Alexi Vorinov just happens to be the Chief of Police.
And it doesn’t stop there. I’ve done truckers of course, and professional rally drivers; rugby players feature in quite a few books (as Bruce Forsythe would say... They’re my favourite!), and a professional footballer as well. In the Wild Side where everything is fantasy, I can really go to town on the ‘Hot’ imagery or ‘Cliché’ with endless amount of cameo appearances. It’s the only place where I dare do a cowboy, and isn’t Mr. Charles the ultimate cliché? There is even a Canadian Mountie in the latest Christmas offering, and why should I be ashamed – I think they’re sexy as sin!
So why not do a construction worker. If the Village People can have one, then I sure as hell can. He’ll be hot, and plausible, and perhaps a cliché. It’s what I write...
And now a little blush as I do the corniest one of all... I am what I am, so I might as well be proud of it.

Jack

Sunday, 20 October 2013

Insomnia

Five o'clock yesterday. Three-thirty today. This is not a good sign - my insomnia is clearly kicking back in.
I do suffer. Normally it's because my mind is too active, which is usually at peak times in my writing - getting to the end of the book or an important part. But the latest book is all but done, so there must be something else.
There are quite a few things that are on my mind at present, so it could be a combination. But the mind has it's way of relieving pent up stress, and it came to me in a dream the most likely cause... I'm worried about the cat!
There is no date set at present, but sometime early December, I plan to return to Brighton (where have I heard that name before?) for the winter. Normally when I'm away, the cat stays here. He 's fine for a couple of weeks with someone popping round to feed him. But three months is different. There's no way I can leave him for that sort of time. So he's got his pet passport, rabies injections etc. There is an airline that will fly him back to Gatwick as hand luggage. It sounds quite straight forward... and I'm dreading it! A trip to the vet is a trauma, and that lasts an hour at most door to door. But the best part of a day trapped in a cage! It's starting to sound cruel.
In the dream he had trapped his claw in some cloth and I tried to help. The things are retractible, but he still does this - pulls at it instead of retracting at times - dumb or what! Anyway, instead of pulling it free he kept pulling the claw out, getting longer and longer, going on and on, curling around. It ended up over a foot in length and needed to be cut off. I held him as he fought. Then my mum took some scissors to it (she's dead by the way). The cat was screaming as she cut the claw off. He was crying like a baby. It was awful. I woke up with cramp hitting both my calves. I was in quite a bit of pain. And there at my feet was the cat, curled up... sending out subliminal messages.

It's now after four. I've taken over half an hour to write this.
What is going on?
So tired.
Need some sleep.

Jack